Just woke up.
its near noon.
i had like what?12 hours of sleep?
oooh these days i've been sleeping so much but still feeling rather zapped out.

I sense emptiness.
in some weird corner of my mind.
i cant explain why.
but when i saw my lil cousins and wai po and xiaojiu at my shop last night.
i almost teared.
for a while i felt very detached.
its been like almost 2 months since i last saw them and have a decent meal together.
and the 1st words they spoke was : "have you eaten? i'll get you dinner"

i've been having dinner at their place everyday for the past years.
because of my mom's working schedule.
it was also at my uncle's where i was taken care of during my recuperation days from depression.
they gave me loads of encouragement and support during those dark times.
i owe much of where i am now to them.
but now.
i feel so distant from them.
thou their place is just a few minutes walk away.
i've never felt like this before.
its indescribable.

Just hope things will be back to normal when jo starts working.
i long for the family warmth and love like before.
i feel so deprived of all of those.

xmas is just around the corner.
i dont want to feel like any other guest at our own xmas party.