Feeling so jaded these days.
Been bogged down by many issues.
I feel emotionally drained.
But i'm good at hiding these emotions.
And i dont feel like i wanna talk to anyone about all these at all.
The escapism as usual.

A few days back i spoke to wan'er on some stuff.
She gave me a fresh perspective on the particular matter.
I actually felt good after the conversation.
Thought i'll heed her advice.
But after contemplating for some time.
I've decided that some things are maybe just not worth the effort huh?
Or perhaps not now.
Besides i've got more crucial stuff to deal with at hand.

Pending assignments tests and whatnots.
I'm like getting very stressed suddenly.
I know they're not gonna be accounted for at all!
I can jolly well not go for the tests or not hand in the essays.
Sit back relax and bask in the yuletide season.
BUT i think i take my school work quite seriously.
And i do take pride in my work.

I've been reflecting quite a bit lately.
And damn, i think i've wasted a gd 3 months.
Whizzing past school.
Not knowing what the OT lecturer is talking about ALL the time.
Yes, constantly in a state of false consciousness.
Thinking, "oh yea i came for lecture thus i actually know whats going on"
Which of course, in reality is the contrary.
My lecturer: "guys if any of you doesnt know what O,S,RC,F,I,etc stands for by now...you're DOOMED!"
Ok thanks. That was much needed.
His comments make me feel so crappy all the time.
And i'll wince and wallow in self-pity.
GRR.
This has become pretty much a routine every wed for the past 1 month or so.
And it gets worse every week as the amount of untouched notes starts piling up.
Grrrrrrrrr.VICIOUS cycle.

So instead of complaining further.
I think i should get something constructive done about it.
Thus heading for my notes.
Gonna hit all that O,S,RC,F,I!